No.
8136
To the bpd guy.
>I have no personality and it changes daily
This is so relatable. I feel like I have no identity at all and my worldview, behavior and even thoughts are entirely defined by whatever I picked up from some randos. So in the end I don't even feel like I am myself, but instead like I am some sort of an unstable fusion between people who somehow found their way into my head.
No.
8138
>>8136There are lots of things that could make you feel like this. Without paper from pro you will never know if it's the same thing, may be depersonalization, low self esteem or bla bla.
I have it since 9-12 years but diagnosed recently . Didn't bother checking it because "haha I'm just dead inside".
It's something that you can learn to dismiss.
In therapy they help you develop correct ways to think and analyze data.
+ have to create a persona that is going to be inhibiting your body.
Didn't do therapy, too expensive and I lack motivation too.
Fun fact: 70-80% with bpd attempt suicide lol
On top of that dependent personality disorder which is the most lame shit ever:
Reliance on others to make life choices, Inability to make decisions, pain when alone, excessive need for care, low self-esteem, tolerating mistreatment, overwhelming need for reassurance
^sickness that makes you retarded normie sub.
Very unlizardly, thinking I can't even call myself a liz because of this.
All this kid needed were hormones instead got these illnesses and traumas.
But such creatures get no sympathy nor cure.
The worst delusion of them all, existing beyond my personality that's why it was not wiped like everything that I once was.
God why.
No.
8139
>tired
>head cluttered
>doomscroll
>get even more fried
>yawn after yawn, zero energy to do shit
>too tired for basic operations
>yawn once more
>instead of closing imageboards, getting a few minutes of sleep and continuing the day, refresh, post, yawn once more
i really can't comprehend how it is possible to have the words human and intelligence to exist within the same language at the same time
No.
8140
>>8139unironically just have a energy drink or take some caffeine pills
No.
8141
>>8140but these are horrible for your health and i don't have much mental health to spare
No.
8142
>>8141>health>mental healthYeah I gave up on that for me a long time ago. If I die I die. This world is going to shit anyways. Not trying to sound nihilistic but I'm done.
No.
8145
>>8142less mental health more pain don't wanna
No.
8147
>>8146sorry i don't have any place to house him please give him to somebody else
No.
8148
>>8146What are you suggesting?
Crabchan?
No.
8149
>>8148At this point you'd want to also put the word 'pajeet' somewhere in the word 'crabchan', only how?
No.
8150
>>8149I don't follow. Not a clue.
No.
8152
I keep being distracted by internet it's scary at this point if I think about it
No.
8153
>>8148>Crabchan?Now that I think about it, maybe did it subconsciously
>>8149haha what, what??
No.
8155
>job
your job is existing your wage is suffering do you dare ask for more
No.
8156
>>8155We pay taxes to pedophiles and the elite.
No.
8157
>>8156and these taxes are spent developing strategies to mind control & kill us
No.
8159
>>8157You're not wrong on that unfortunately.
No.
8241
omg this russian hacker is at it again
No.
8243
>>8241It's a bot. Seems to be spamming other altchans as well. Been doing this for a while now.
No.
8244
>>8243I take that back it's some deranged pedophile. At least that's what the admin on Wizchan says.
No.
8245
I don't know how much trust wizchan admins deserve but that sorta spam has certainly been around for a long while now.
No.
8248
I jerked off to porn again. I am disgusted by it. I didn't have will enough to stop it. Holy shit. My brain's been unfolding a whole damn campaign against me lately.
No.
8253
>>8248It's just jerking off why do you make such a big deal out of this.
Your ideas that are against ya stop you from experiencing pleasure
Embrace yourself
No.
8256
Anxiety isn't just bothering me, it's chewing my bones
No.
8257
I want out so bad god damn it
No.
8271
I hate feeling like I do now. I wish there was something that could prevent it. Understandable though. Autumn has been one hell of a depression for me, for some reason. Now I'm sorta fixed again, don't know how long it will last. Hopefully long enough. Aaaah. I hate it. All of my problems come from these depressive episodes. I remember vividly as hell that I just couldn't focus or think back then. Now that I went somewhat out of it, I again think it's impossible to be unable to think. Damn. Fuck cognition. This think is just plain broken. I wish I wasn't defunct most of the time. More ramble to the god of ramble. I won't be able to sleep without music again. If it's music I listen to.
No.
8273
Fuuck. Another day another struggle.
No.
8280
Time to suffer again. Raptor save my poor soul. I wish "getting over it" was quicker and less god damn painful
No.
8282
I feel extremely distressed again. I was suppressing it while I could but such things always find their way out. Woke up almost sick, but hopefully I'm not.
No.
8284
I feel like jelly. Anxiety left nothing of me but a drenched hollow shell
No.
8287
Dying now wouldn't be so bad at all. Consciousness was a mistake
No.
8340
please give me endurance
No.
8352
>panic attack
>realize I can just quit living and be at peace
>slightly less stressed going to buy beer
Swag?
No.
8363
There's probably something else I want to rant about but I don't remember. Mostly faggots, though. They have me by the throat. I didn't know it could be so suffocating to live with no one but faggots around. My bad of course, but as far as my knowledge goes people don't get any less faggots outside imageboards either. Imageboards at this point are a spin off of social media with the only difference that you can ban evade more easily, the flavors of faggotry here are exactly the same, though. It is especially emphasized by faggots who like to shit out walls of text ranting about how imageboards are superior to social media, huuh. Really they're so autistic they put me to shame in comparison.
On the other hand, social media is a doxx and I don't see why I should doxx myself just to eat more fresh shit. Been roaming some traditional forums (lmao yeah), but no fruit there either, though I did not expect any to be honest. More technical forums justly focus on more technical things and since my skills at anything are somewhat like nonexistent there's no way I can fit in (oohh lmao yeah fit in I fucking despise this phrase) without being an embarrassing faggot myself. Did not bother with less technical forums. Anyway most of the people there are pale old farts who discuss nothing but politics and some deeply irrelevant (to me) shit. Not to blame them, but I'm not interested at all.
Just imagine it, if you have a fucking brain, think about a fucking minute, you have to *actually* work your ass off to gain the *privilege* of talking to other people. Much in the same way you work your ass off to get food. This is so fucking deeply atrocious I can't put it in words. You have to gain the right to be around people *the same way* you gain the right to sleep under a rood or eat a meal. Realizing this really fucked up my understanding of human scum. So in the end, the people others claim to be psychopaths turn out to be very correct, albeit in a very ugly way. I sure wouldn't want to be butchered alive by some unhinged sick badass, but it doesn't negate the truth in any way. People are worthless sacks of meat and the only healthy way to think of them is as of accommodations.
No.
8364
But it takes away all purpose. I don't care about accommodations. If people are inherently so worthless, I can't care. I see no point at all in proceeding further along this line of thinking. Naturally, after realizing people are just things in the same way as everything else, you should abandon all morale and simply bully your way through to whatever you want. In reality, there are quite a few impediments. For one, it would require a lot of skill and dedication, and I have neither. On the other hand, I don't even care. If the nature of things is inherent emptiness, I don't care about attaining any of them.
This world is sick. So deeply empty and deprived of meaning. Think about butchering animals. Think how little you care. Think about all people dying right now. Think how little you care. Think about how all you stand for will vanish in a hundred of years. Think how little you care. In the end, all you have to do is to reproduce and fuck off kindly to wherever Styx flows.
But people who live under their illusions of meaning are so deeply disgusting. And you can't even blame them. For some reason, nature had to play this cruel trick to everyone. Of course they have to delude themselves, this is the only way they will be willing to reproduce - by believing that begetting offsprings matters.
The foundations of this existence are so deeply buried in vanity it makes me want to vomit. Just why in the name of Raptor does it have to be like this?
No.
8459
I wonder if this shit counts as OCD? Probably not? It's nothing like the gay wikipedia describes. But Jesus Raptor! Just what the fuck did I just do? I sank something like two hours into void doing some useless shit just because an imageboard post triggered me. What the actual fuck?
Is this ADHD? Fuck like hell I know. The gay DSM-V and the gay wikipedia describe some abstract shit that honestly I don't know can be applied at all. But there is something along the lines of "fuck it lets just do whatever I find immediately rewarding!". Yeaah! Why not? Why not fucking ruin your life every fucking time, EVERY FUCKING TIME when it seems things are going okay, it just happens and fucking ruins everything.
Please tell me, enlighten me, why the fuck is it so hard to stop focusing on spontaneous shit? It is so fucking frustrating. There is no pattern, no anything. It just randomly possess my mind, completely. It's so bad that if my own house was burning I'd still linger on the spot trying to satisfy the compulsion before the fire reaches me.
Jesus fucking Raptor, what the fuck did I do yesterday? I haven't spent a split second thinking. The fancy just struck my stupid brain like a bullet and I completely, entirely stopped giving a fuck. Fucking crazy. It only gets worse, somehow. Always worse. Always enlarging the magnitude of my inability to keep myself in my own fucking Raptor forsaken hands.
>I will not rant today, I will nooooooooot
Yeah sure as fuck.
There is nothing more sickening than the motive behind these rants. Nothing so fucking gay as my own attempt to what? Why do I do it? I certainly don't feel like ranting is the punishment. Through years it became sort of enjoyable, but it is so gay that I have to rant somewhere somebody might at least see it. It is fucking ridiculous. Absolutely abominable, me. I wish it was something acquired as I grew up, but this shit is deep in my retarded genetics. Fuck it.
No.
8476
>>8466Totally can relate to your vents.
I guess that's what to happens to overanalytical minds with no purpose.
But it's hard to find it when nothing sparks interest.
At least your body is yours.
No.
8492
>>8476>I guess that's what to happens to overanalytical minds with no purpose.But liz I am so stupid. True I am now on the upper side of my sort-of-bipolar-shit-whatever-it-is so I do not really feel anything about anything except some barely understandable rush inside, but it is just a matter of time. I am completely, utterly stupid. I lost my ability to comprehend information entirely. I can't even explain it. I am on a level with an average faggot who needs to be explained how to do basic shit like pressing the right buttons in the right order. This is fucking frustrating, and I think I probably wrote about it numerous times, but I just can't get information inside my head. I read the manual over and over again and it just doesn't enter me. Fuckloads after fuckloads of shit and I can't keep up with ANY of it while other people get 3-5 times more shit done in 1 day - including the shit I can't understand - than I get done in a week. I don't know how I can continue to live like that. Being low end disposable thrash isn't fun in the society. It's not even that I can't get money to exist somehow (and I don't say I can since I am dysfunctional in the most important areas), it's just that it doesn't make sense. Each day my goal is just to skip it so I can become closer to death which I ultimately fear. Awesome yeah? This is fucking ridiculous.
>At least your body is yours.No fuck it isn't. The body belongs to whoever has power to lay hands on it. If the governments tomorrow decide to fuck me up, then my body will go wherever they think it should. So since I can not exercise even the basic control over my MIND, I do not have anything at all that belongs to me. I just have to watch this body die, while sharing its agony and not being able to do anything. There is no dead end more dismal and unforgiving than being stupid. Fuck it.
No.
8521
I feel overwhelmed. This is not good. This never ends well and it makes me feel extremely awkward, because I am gaining speed but I also know I am going to crush, and really badly. I think the 4chan meltdown contributes to it significantly because now that the sphincter of the internet is loose, the enormous defecation destroys everything on its way, making me feel insecure as fuck. There used to be some quiet corners I went to in order to have a break from excess of social interaction, now they're fucking blasted away by this massive tide.
Party people are always too stupid to understand that some people fucking hate parties violently and sincerely. And you can't even blame the admins for embracing the tide in the hope to have more people posting on their sites. Totally understandable. If this goes for too long I will be forced to loose yet another important part of my mind. At this rate might as well kill me and be done with it.
I wish I learned some Japanese or whatever so I could escape the quagmire of English spoken shitternet.
