No.
7557
Nothing worse than few good days and back to the shitty baseline.
I've been feeling well for 3 days, it never went on that long.
I thought that everything will be good nie but no, just some contrast to make it more painful:ddd
No.
7558
It doesn't hang lizzies… Not even a little bit. 😭😭😭😭😭
No.
7559
>>7558Whaaat?
At least make your cry posts clear and not some cryptic pussy message with emojis, amateur
No.
7560
Nvm i'm not done, why do even christian's get sad over bad things that happen.
Like bitch, that's god's will. Embrace your saviour's decision.
Don't question, praise your lord
No.
7561
>>7560Life is an illusion. Chop wood, carry water even
No.
7583
>>7581
Lol are you still visiting wiz?
btw boyposter/andrew the cunt was mod there for few years
No.
7584
>>7583No, I've left it for good now. I don't even know why I stuck around as long as I did. Pure inertia, I guess. There is a special place in Hell for them
No.
7585
>>7562what's the problem though? you find a place and keep yourself there til people haul your ass of. slow board? you're blessed! so much place to yourself! ahh, you're concerned about being "cringe"? fuck it. you'll feel much better once you do
No.
7586
>>7560>why do even christian's get sad over bad things that happen.because they are fake. truly wise people who recognize god and his will don't get upset. also pain is painful, that's a factor and all people have different pain thresholds. too much pain and you loose your mind, can't be blamed for that realistically
No.
7588
dads health seems like its getting bad hes had a nasty cough for the last year thats been noticeably worse the last month or so and his voice sounds weak and raspy and hes obviously not 100% there mentally im not ready to find him dead but i think itll happen soon
No.
7589
>>7588At least you are an adult, my dad died when I was 10, as a kid it was weird because you don't know anything and experiencing that as a kid is just something… I think that's why I became such a shut-in anti social person in the first place. I don't know your relationship with him but just cherish every moment if you want with him.
No.
7592
Wet dreams were again at it and I didn't manage to wake in time. I'm fuming
No.
7595
I can't relate at all to feeling upset about family members passing away not even parents.
They've got what they raised, me not being able to fix all this bullshit solo just shows how much they've fucked up.
>>7585>so much place to yourself!Too easy to spot
>"cringe"? fuck it. you'll feel much better once you doI've been doing this for years and looking back at my post, it's really scary, basically in a loop and things getting only worse lol
>>7586Woah you're smart
>different pain thresholdsStill can not believe that most of people just don't get it, I'm always labeling them as dumb npcs.
My threshold is so fucking low that living feels like a joke
>>7592Whaaaat I thought only kids get that, you are not faping or something?
Had it happen only once as a youngling.
No.
7603
>Whaaaat I thought only kids get that
I am sort of a kid myself, though it never happened when I actually was a teenager. Only started to happen once in a while since I stopped jerking off for good.
No.
7605
>>7603>stopped jerking offU silly thing why would you do that? lol
It's either manual or automatic JIZZ IN YOUR PANTS
No.
7607
>>7605My will is more important to me than some shallow pleasure. I maintain that fap goes against getting magic and does not allow you to fully disregard females. Got banned for this on crabchan more than once lmao. You really want to have a debate?
No.
7608
>>7607>You really want to have a debate?Fight me
>does not allow you to fully disregard femalesWh-what? Maybe you are crab yourself because to me it makes no sense.
Just don't fap to 3dpd, hell even not to anime girls.
Go for mlp, feral furries, rag dolls. The possibilities are endless.
If only human depictions get you hard then you're repressing your warm blooded horniness.
if you're not degen, uuuh did you know that u can just fap for physical pleasure without imagining things? Sexual tension is not something that you cant kill. You can repress but it will be always here.
That's how we are wired. Oh and I'm not talking about need to fuck.
It's much better to keep your apebrain in harmony and not force it against the nature.
Postnut clarity is real
No.
7609
Can kill*
No.
7610
>Fight me
Not in the mood. A few days ago I was unhealthily agitated (had a lot of nervous tension that built up). Now I'm slack.
>Go for mlp, feral furries, rag dolls.
Go fuck your bed for all I care, if you are really that helpless against your libido. I don't see a point of going to all the trouble of forcing myself on imaginary dolls.
>Postnut clarity is real
Stopped having after like 19 years old. Don't remember, honest. I feel weak and depressed after fap. The pleasure is only during the act and declared war against it. You have sex haver mindset which you try to disguise as something benign, but deep down under all those lies there sits a small crabbaby that will eventually grow and you'll remember my words but it will be too late.
No.
7611
>>7610>had a lot of nervous tensionFrom not fapping probably, jkjk
>if you are really helpless against your libido>sex haver mindsetNot at all, Im going to stop rn and report weekly just to prove a point.
You are the one with mindset that has negative effect for some reason.
When it's natural thing, yet makes you sad and depressed.
>crabbaby that will eventually growNah, everything voluntary or I'm just special snowflake.
But honestly cant really distinguish if I'm selfmade liz or just mentally ill from the start.
But I still do not wish to fuck anyone.
Incels make me sick, I will never understand how they can be so sex focused yet clueless or too retarded to just git gud and bang some ogre.
I really enjoy this conversation with you.
I'm open-minded, would love to read more.
No.
7612
>>7611>I really enjoy this conversation with you.Everyone does until they don't anymore. People think I'm joking when I tell them not to get friendly, hardly anyone ever pays proper attention to it. And then one day y'all just need to 'sort your things out' and as far as I'm concerned that takes forever.
>I'm open-minded, would love to read moreCan you really tell me what's this open-minded thing and how exactly it manifests? I too am 'open-minded' so long as the new stuff allows me to get done with shit more quickly, so to say, but there are certain things which just exist as part of my global state or whatever and are not subject to change even though they are seemingly a matter of opinion. I've been alternating between defending fap and nofap for quite a while now and I found it doesn't have anything to do with 'open-mindedness'. It's just my global state that I side with one thing or the other, there are no reasons, no real arguments, just a way thoughts go. I'll probably never explain it properly, but whatever.
No.
7613
>From not fapping probably, jkjk
I got mad at first, then ate some doughnuts and yeah it's not impossible. I don't know. I remember I used fap as a sort of scheduled recreation, I planned how I'm going to work hard (or hardly work hahaha) and then I'd launch into a long porn watching session. Later got sick of porn (couldn't find anything I haven't seen anymore, lol, and I'm too lazy for private trackers) and switched to fantasies, which were pretty good, but at some point stress got too crippling and I somehow was starting to fap less and less and less and now I'm completely opposed to the idea. Also fantasies are not as reliable as porn, they only work when you're really horny, that is haven't fapped for a week or two maybe. Still better than porn that is a complete disaster for mental health. Anyway I don't really know why I nofap if we're speaking technically. It's now more on spiritual level. I want to try and embrace magic as much as I can so I do nofap as well. Fap reinforces and feeds the sexual desire in you in ways you don't notice until you decrease your fap to one time in several months. After you fap once you want so badly to return to it, and it takes a lot of weeks to stop the insane urges. The urges become easier and completely manageable after some time. Then you get sick or whatever, you mental health fucks up, your will says good night and here you go. Now how am I supposed to be a mage? If a pretty woman works around my insecurities (I'm not repulsive, I suspect some might want to seduce me just for the sake of it, I think they find pleasure in destroying holy virgins, filthy demons! That's mostly delusions though so far no women showed any interest in me, some were nice enough to openly say that's I'm probably gonna remain virgin forever, lmao they were so right) what will I do? I need will that is stronger than the desire. I need magic that can't be dispelled by evil. So basically it's an OCD-like thing, I have a lot of that. I find something that doesn't look right and then launch into fixing it at the expense of my life, all the while it's completely irrelevant to anything. It's the same. I just kinda imagine a possible threat and launch into building a huge castle against an attack that's never coming. So yeah you basically don't even need to read any of that to know that I'm not well in head probably, so I don't know. What were we talking about?
>Not at all, Im going to stop rn and report weekly just to prove a point.
What do you mean?
No.
7614
>But honestly cant really distinguish if I'm selfmade liz or just mentally ill from the start
Haha took me a while to figure that one out, but I'm not self made certainly. Was the same pussy craving bastard as everyone else back then until slammed my face right into reality. Figured I don't want to be unhappy and miserable, so that implied I can't become crab, now there's no way around it, I must become mage or die until I disgrace myself with crabdom or whatever they call it. I think magic itself is great, but there's something wrong with my head, I feel sick often these days and my nerves are very weak. I don't even get truly stressed anymore I just turn off and go sleeping and let the world burn. Had an important thing going on a few days ago I was so on edge with tension I was shaking literally, even though there were realistically no reasons to be anything but mildly concerned.
>But I still do not wish to fuck anyone.
I'm sure you have somebody to fantasize about. That's where I perceive greatest weakness and breach in magic defenses. I too do not wish to fuck anybody real, because they one way or another interact with my insecurities. Now it's time to get rid of insecurities and have real defenses for a time. Some real freedom, that can't be taken away by fancy manipulation. Those who break through your insecurities necessarily become your vulnerability, you tend to attach to such people for some reason. Now if somebody breaks through defenses, well congratulations you're on quarantine now, let's see how much you're really worth.
>Incels make me sick
Pretty much this. A shame they overtook wizchan
No.
7615
Damn I feel so embarrassed every time I launch into long posts in this state I'm now. I need AI assistant that will turn my internet off every time evil tries to size my mind again.
No.
7619
>>7612>I tell them not to get friendlyWhy would you even say that lol
>'sort your things out'That's what almost everyone is going to tell you since they don't know the answer too.
I'm "open-minded" as I don't hold my beliefs tight and I like to hear opinions of others so I can challenge theirs against mine.
>What do you mean?Proving that controlling libido doesn't mean shit and that it changes nothing for the better in real world.
Morals are for normies, it doesn't matter to what I crank it or if I don't do it at all.
>>7614>I was the same pussy craving bastard as everyone elseAnd you call me crabbaby lol
>I'm sure you have somebody to fantasize aboutNope
No.
7620
>>7619>Why would you even say that lolHonesty.
>That's what almost everyone is going to tell you since they don't know the answer too.Is it a problem to tell to fuck off? I personally don't find it to be a problem. Fuck off. See? Doesn't hurt.
>Proving that controlling libido doesn't mean shitYes it does prove shit. It is a sign of strong willpower and self control. It is when you reject libido not because you're cast out by society, but because you recognize that yielding to it can't give you anything of value and that pleasure is nothing but an intricate sophism.
>it changes nothing for the better in real worldI'm tired of hearing this retarded argument over and over again. I don't give a fuck about your real world. There's me, there's my mind, there's my reason, and there's the Beneficial God that says that my responsibility lies only and only in maintaining the well being of my mind and reason. Fuck off with your real world. Today you say
>Morals are for normies, it doesn't matter to what I crank it or if I don't do it at all.as an excuse to jerk off, tomorrow you will say it as an excuse to fuck a succubus. Normies have no morals. Morals are only given to those who succeed in embracing magic.
>And you call me crabbaby lolI didn't, but yes I think that if you don't stop jerking off you won't end up well. The sexual desire will grow, than sexual frustration will be brought to life, and then finally you'll either wake up one day being crab, or druggie or whatever else means of escapism are available to virgins.
>NopeYeah and how do you get horny without experiencing any horny thoughts? And if you don't get horny why do you jerk off? Wink me if they hold a gun to the back of your head.
No.
7621
>>7620>Yes it does prove shit. It is a sign of strong willpower and self control.I was only talking about myself proving that it changes nothing for ME because I already have strong willpower and self control.
Will let you know when I fail this challenge.
But if I jizz my pants I'm out haha
>I'm tired of hearing this retarded argument (…) I was still talking myself and my own real world. Idk how yours looks so I wouldn't write anything like that targeted to you.
>as an excuse to jerk off, tomorrow you will say it as an excuse to fuck a succubusIdk how to reply to that, I'm not chained to morals nor social norms aka normie norms.
But that doesn't mean that I will magically want to fuck someone lol
>sexual desireThis thing is below me I never had it
>then finally you'll either wake up one day being crab, or druggie or whatever else means of escapism are available to virginsLmao no, I would just stand up and get someone to fuck.
>if you don't get horny why do you jerk off?Because for me it eliminates the need for social interaction. It's like a cheat code against apebrain haha
I was very social person but due to social phobia and panic attacks that I used to have dealing with people was quite exhausting.
I don't have these things anymore and prefer reclusive lifestyle.
That's how I see it.
Well my theory will be tested by lack of masturbation.
If I'm correct, will be posting here more often to meet the social interaction requirements.
If I'm wrong then I will just stop being lazy and live a normie life OR realize that I am incel and it was always about wanting someone to fuck BUT I do not believe that getting some ass is a hard task, so then I would probably turn into banger lmao
What do you think
No.
7622
>>7621>I already have strong willpower and self control.Good for you, then. I don't, so I need to work harder on that.
>This thing is below me I never had itOK so I don't know how to interpret that, care to elaborate? I can somewhat relate, because throughout adolescence I lost interest in [i]real[/i] people, but that's all. The thing that makes you jizz at night is still there and since it doesn't seem like I can toggle it off, I need to hold the reins at least. I still think some succubi can worm their ways in my life and I don't like that. I'm essentially at war with them, there are absolutely no reasons one of them would want to have anything to do with me, so I'm not about to give them free means of biasing my perception to abuse or manipulate me.
>Lmao no, I would just stand up and get someone to fuck.Doesn't exactly sound magical, if you take my meaning. Seems like you're virgin for fun or whatever. Wouldn't make sense for you not to jerk off, since you don't plan on staying virgin. Don't relate.
>Because for me it eliminates the need for social interaction.How exactly? Anyway you're here now interacting with a schizo wtf are you talking about?
>If I'm correct, will be posting here more often to meet the social interaction requirements. Are you saying you jerk off and then doze off until you wake up and jerk off again or wtf? How exactly does nofap influence your need to socialize?
>I do not believe that getting some ass is a hard taskI'm not exactly competent, because I did literally no research on the subject, since I was never interested in getting laid with anyone I met in my life. I don't know if it's easy. If somebody told me now to seduce a girl or be killed I'd probably just walk out of a window. I simply have absolutely zero understanding about how to approach people, much less females. I mean, young people tend to just kinda randomly make connections but that's absolutely bizzare for me.
>What do you thinkI think if you have means of living a conventional life, I don't know why you wouldn't. It's theoretically more comfy and safe. Anyway you don't speak much so I'm kinda low on info. I have a deep conflict in me, that I seem to be interested in benefits of human interaction, but seem to be repulsed to the interaction itself. At least I know I'm neurodivergent lol, kinda puts me at ease. Heh time to spellcast a bit.
No.
7695
my molars are starting to hurt and i looked with a flashlight and can see cavities in the back ones and wisdom teeth
insuranceless neet so i just kinda have to rock with it til it gets bad enough to sign off
i always knew itd end like this but its weird to have such a clear deadline
No.
7697
>>7695start preparing beforehand. one day they just kinda hurt a bit, the next day it's
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intraoral_dental_sinus and you can't open your mount. trust me i've been through this when i was a kid. it just happened over the course of 2 or 3 days. maybe it'll take longer since you're big and old idk
No.
7698
>mount
mouth*
lol wtf's wrong with me. i wonder if i have dyslexia or i'm just retarded
No.
7703
Wah waah my autistic brain is one step from sabotaging me again!
No.
7704
>>7695>til it gets bad enough to sign offDummy lizzy try to get a job.
Don't kys over some rotting bone.
Survival instinct is stronger than you think and now you're just losing time.
Ik what I'm talking about, had to take a loan for rent because I was planning to kms too lol
>>7703Ah the liz who never gives out any details
No.
7705
>>7704>Ah the liz who never gives out any detailsIt's bad enough that you're everywhere. I don't know if you stalk specifically me but I'm creeped out that wherever I go there's You. Does wonders to my mental health. I really need a break from image boards, but I don't know of any places
No.
7706
>>7705Thanks for confirming that you are the one who is short on descriptions.
Maybe don't do that when you are suspecting someone is stalking you.
>wherever I go there's YouAh you forgot about our split personality disorder again.
>don't know if you stalk specifically meDon't be silly we are not an interesting person, nobody would waste their time on us.
Please take your pills
No.
7707
>>7706>Thanks for confirming that you are the one who is short on descriptions.Me? Who am I anyway? And why exactly am I associated with 'that liz who is short on descriptions'. Oh damn it!
>Maybe don't do that when you are suspecting someone is stalking you. Don't do what exactly? Should I kill myself to get relieved of all these things? I'm trying to be as indiscernible as possible and yet it seems you've got a spy in my head so you don't even need to move a finger to track me down. I've run as far as I could, on the outskirts of existence, where there are almost no people. I haven't been talking to anyone, I have not been paying attention to anyone, I just tried my best to be invisible and here you are. You got to be kidding me.
>Ah you forgot about our split personality disorder again.So yeah, basically… yeah! It's just unbelievable. Of all places! This is just some stupid fucking joke. BTW why did you rant recently that I don't respond? You haven't written to my INBOX for several months now. Just thought it a bit odd that you complained, that's all. Yeah I didn't reply to that rant, sorry, but really I've got nothing to say. In fact it was quite… unsettling? Not the right word though… Creepy, maybe. I wish I have enough reason to not end up like you. I mean the way you are so desperate for company. Also, I'm not particularly interested in close human interactions anymore. In fact, ever since I've got on my own bread my mood somewhat improved. Intimacy makes your mind weak and bleak. And blind. I haven't figured that one out, but I don't feel like being nice anytime soon. It's flattering that you stalk me, kinda strokes my ego, but you ought to know the thing like no one else. Unfortunately, I hardly find your character appealing… Yeah so I wanted this to be a fun rant but fucked it up, sorry. I don't have a grudge against you, if that's what bothers you. I just can't allow myself to keep imagining things.
>Don't be silly we are not an interesting person, nobody would waste their time on us.You are not interesting indeed, I'm another matter though. I am totally interesting, just obnoxious beyond endurance, so you know, I kinda piss off myself. Dunno why. I'm the worthwhile one. I'm the great guy. I'm the GODDAMN HERO! And yeah you're right I'm the one who needs to
>Please take your pills
No.
7709
Lmao I really regret ruining this rant it could be wholesome, but now it's just a schizo meltdown.
No.
7710
>>7707Lol I was joking liz, have no idea who are you xdxd
Unless you are from Georgia the country then lemme pat that retarded head but fr tho how silly u have to be
No.
7711
>>7710I'm not silly I'm [spolier]retarded[/spoiler]
No.
7715
I feel cringe. I need to to wipe the fuck out of this thread somehow without breaking rules. Guess I'll have to come up with some woes to wah waah here until at least I don't have to my previous posts. Don't be schizos lizards it's only fun until it isn't.
No.
7716
Way waah people gaslight me that life isn't miserable, that it is interesting and offers unlimited possibilities and whatnot. All the while the only thing that has ever offered me the goddamn possibilities is my computer with video games. Outside of that digital world of unending adventure it's a world of slavery. But back in the day slaves at least didn't get to experience lack of restrictions, so they could redpill themselves utterly and live a life. I instead feel blackpilled and demotivated. Why?
No.
7717
>>7715You're overreacting liz.
My sucidial man on estradiol ramblings were much worse
Chill out
No.
7720
>>7717>female sex hormone'course I'm not as bad as him, I'm not a female and don't take hormones to become one.
No.
7721
Wah waah I'm again at it. I suspect it's very bad for my mental health, maybe already did tons of irreversible damage. But I can't stop it. I am cold blooded after all. I am not meant to be warm. I use your sun to warm myself only so I can eat its children!
No.
7726
The day's wah waahed completely. What the fuck am I doing with my life.
No.
7730
why do i get stressed over trivial things to the point of complete brain shutdown
wtf
No.
7734
Lets see some bussy, bud
No.
7765
>>7721Wdym
>>7730Same liz, to the point of breakdowns and crying because of stress.
Can't deal with basic existing, no difference if neet or not.
I'm thinking about burning some money on herbs or some nootropic shit.
No.
7774
I disappeared for a while immersing in playing games, watching anime and reading fantasy, and also wagecucking, but I felt completely sick yesterday and I feel shit today. Mentally. I guess it's this stupid Autumn doing unfunny things to my cold blood. Oh lizard god how I long to stretch under the warm Sun!
No.
7775
I feel my lizard blood raging deep inside
No.
7776
Are we slumbering through the cold seasons again, Lizards? Shall we not make a bonfire of non virgins to warm up!?
No.
7777
>>7776>bonfireIt's not that cold yet, I recommend something else
>>7774Same but just vidya and wagecucking.
Rotting in front of screen then same stuff at home and none of it is fun.
Tiresome existence
No.
7783
Indian boss offered me contract after 3months of trial for literaly the same amount.
Like what the fuck, I've saved him 9k monthly (not usd obv) and my employment cost is 5k.
Also I raised sales by 20% xd
Dude couldn't even fucking find some change for me I guess.
But he gave me a deal make 100 000 of sales then he is going to give me bonus 500.
Yeah I'm just gonna almost double the sales for this amount, worth it.
Working in e-commerce is shit, it's either long nosed fellas or soul-sucking agency (where you need to have good biz talk) .
Nothing in between.
Words of my previous hindu coworkers about their older generation was right.
/
I hate this life so much, got fucking nothing that would make existing worthwhile.
What a hassle.
How the fuck I'm supposed to live comfortably, it's always the same shit just different flavor.
Constantly on edge between "I can't take it anymore" and tired depressed neutral.
No.
7795
Cont.
>>7783Lmao so there was no issue getting 13% raise and remote Fridays.
All it took was resigning then renegotiating terms haha
Phone call got me really stressed and I must have sounded like total retard but the final result is what matters.
The pay is a bit below if I were to switch to some other employee but don't want to deal with that crap.
At least Fridays will be comfy
No.
7797
I was feeling quite good for half of the day then lost all will to live again
Bullshit must fluctuate so the suffering doesn't get old
No.
7802
Had tears in my eyes because of stressful situation at work, it wasn't even targeted at me but I was asked to help there lmao
There was zero responsibility on me here.
My stress tolerance is only getting weaker,
There was literally 0 progress in 6 years despite trying my best to get used to shit.
Nothing helps.
If it continues to develop like this I'm going to have mental breakdowns because someone looked at me in a weird way!
It's like part of me is out of control.
Even if I look at situation in calm and logical matter which proves there is nothing wrong or to worry about - my body just disregards this info and shows me middle finger.
By doing whatever the fuck it wants, can't even fucking talk normally then.
Voice is too shaky and stuttering.
Healthy diet, lots of movement, dedicated time to wind down each day, enough sleep and no fucking difference.
Losing sanity and control with each day
No.
7805
>>7802Liz I relate to this so much I want to scream.
No.
7807
>>7805Shit sucks at least there is two of us.
We should change something or many things but I can't figure out what though.
Social phobia in early age caused by mother that betrayed me.
Depersonalization started setting in and being hikikomori made phobia worse.
Then traumatized by father - so whenever I see even slightly upset person I'm going crazy.
All these things forced me to become "actor" and that fully destroyed what I am.
But I forgot who I was even trying to be.
I guess this acting is putting a lot of stress on me.
Okay, then I will just stop and problem solved. But I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO I AM.
I KNOW MY ILLNESSES! but there is nothing more than that.
That's the only thing that guides me.
There is nothing that I want, making decisions destroys my mental state.
(probably because mother decided/destroyed my life and I can't revert this)
Woah all this venting at least pointed into right direction.
I'm just gonna make choices that are comfortable, no morals, fuck everyone that doesn't have it worse.
Later I will focus on finding myself or creating something that is more fitting.
No.
7809
>>7808It's okay Liz if you failed then you most likely have other more troubling and not passing these tests were result of this.
Caused by your parents or things out of your control.
We're guided by past the only freedom we have is how we will experience present time
No.
7810
My back and knees are starting to hurt yep I'm officially getting old
No.
7813
No.
7827
>>7826Imagine I'm still the calmest person in the entire family :d
Got 3 words like that and it's trauma thing I have thanks to father beating me.
I would shrug it off if some random called me that (not like it ever happened).
But own mother that caused all this by her stupidity and knows how it makes me feel?
That's just asking for a show of untamed rage.
Sure she might have had brainfart and said this without thinking.
But she doesn't even use such language, on top of that no one would ever say such shit to any person unless they hate/despise them.
So that was subconscious thing.
My reaction was the opposite of what her word described.
My behavior was adequate to the situation, sometimes you have to correct people's beliefs to not get eaten alive.
No.
7828
>>7827Uncontrolled rage only hurts you. Malice must be precise and cold blooded. Emotions get in the way. You need to cool your blood down. Adding upon the pile of hatred thoughtlessly only causes the pile to multiply itself. If you want to be happy liz you must strive to make the pile as small as possible. Hatred is fed from two sides, always. One side is not enough for hatred to persist. If they don't stop, attack precisely and with a purpose. Don't be rage driven cattle. Be lizard.
No.
7842
Yes keep pushing, more, more of it! My endurance is infinite, so you can abuse my sanity as much as you like. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP
GET
THE
FUCK
OUT
OF
MY
LIFE
ROOM
HEAD
EXISTENCE
I AM NO SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED
guys don't be dysfunctional, ever, it's living hell
No.
7844
yep i need to kill myself asap
No.
7845
>>7828That would work if I had nemesis or something.
That was just a short autistic outburst, one time thing.
If I had more rage in me then I would use it as a fuel.
>>7844Lizzie what's wrong?
No.
7846
>>7845>That was just a short autistic outburstYou can master it I believe in you Liz!
No.
7853
I want a cat(girl??) to sniff me…
No.
7854
Had a dream about cuddling my waifu, also about killing warm bloods on a bloodshot van. Such a pleasurable night.
No.
7866
Got caught in weakness again. It's bad but there's nothing I can do because I've just cramped. Don't know what's wrong with me. I hate this! I hate it so much. But I don't feel anything. Maybe it's OK. Don't know. I wish the world filled with blood!
No.
7870
I am fucking out of my mind, I've forgotten how it feels but I am fucking disintegrate.
No.
7871
I JUST WOKE UP 4 HOURS AGO AND I AM FUCKING UNDONE ALREADY GIVE ME A BREAK
No.
7872
I JUST WOKE UP 4 HOURS AGO AND I AM FUCKING UNDONE ALREADY GIVE ME A BREAK
Yeah flood detected. Of course. I am flood of worthless existence, don't have to remind me every time. Just imagine how thirsty for attention I must be to go whine on imageboards giving grief to others. This is disgusting.
No.
7873
>>7872Normal human behavior, we all need to vent
No.
7874
>>7873Venting is like chipping a dam. The more you vent the weaker is the dam that holds your shit in your bowels. Let the dam break and whatever happens next will be another worst memory to cope with until you die. I am utterly disgusted with human nature.
No.
7876
>>7875Qualified labor or not?
No.
7877
>>7876I can do blue collar work. I just don't wanna do fast food or retail. Mainly done white collar work (i.e sitting in a chair and doing office work). Asshole employer fired 4 months ago over some petty bullshit. It's struggle just to find anything that isn't garbage pay.
No.
7881
>>7877> It's struggle just to find anything that isn't garbage pay. Hits hard. It sucks to work 12-13 hours a day to get your fucking 1100EUR/month after taxation. And it's not some dick kicking, you fucking stand on the line at the fucking factory with no fucking time to rest. At least there's time for lunch.
Why can't I fucking post it at the first attempt.
No.
7882
>>7881>1100EUR>E U ROH YEAH! YEAAAH! Europa united
Last time liz was full of yankees.
What a shitty pay, slavic brother I suppose?
Come to Poland
We are going to start this
>>1562
No.
7883
>>7882You're gonna dress manly and dance while listening to brutal death metal? Sounds lizardly!
No.
7884
>>7883That's a thing to consider, might partially fund our liz commune
No.
7889
>>7886for (;;) {:DxD:DxD;DxD:D;DxD:D}
No.
7890
>>7885I regret ever reading that trash
No.
7891
>>7889Indeed :DD shid just looping
Today stepfather forced me to drink today, later was aggressive towards me for no reason.
Yesterday I've begged my mother to not leave me alone with him. Bitch promised to kick him out if he drinks.
I wrote to her begging for help, she said that I should go to my father.
I asked okay so just for a day and tomorrow you kick this drunktard like you promised?
Nope, you should move out.
I beg my father for help, he's pretentious and blaming me that I came back to her.
Uuuh yeah I did cuz I thought he was trying to scam me but turns out I just understood something wrong lol
And previously stepfather wasn't aggressive towards me but guy lost his mind totally in span of month (has cancer probably and now drinks like retard because he is scared of dying)
So I replied to father that in that case I will figure out things on my own if I'm so bothersome and now he magically wants to help.
Just came back from ride holding bike chain to smash his head if drunk guy is problematic but he calmed down.
My mental state can not get worse I might just lose control and when that happens they're all dead for killing my identity and traumatizing me.
No.
7892
>>7890I don't know the source but judging from these screenshots I know I don't want to know it, and yet the Devil compels me to ask.
No.
7893
>>7891You know expecting fellow losers to actually help is futile, but at least I can give my undying hope that you will get yourself fixed.
No.
7895
>>7892geiger counter hentai <== look that up and you should find it easily
you've never seen that reaction picture before? it has been around for a long time, and the context is what you'd expect. I think these two pages speak for themselves.
No.
7896
>>7895There's a lot of thrash I've seen point is I don't remember 99% of it. Anyway I looked it up and I guess I'm gonna spend a night praying for forgiveness. I am not reading that. Holy shit somebody actually drew it
No.
7897
I've read at least the first part of that shit somewhere in the past, I clearly remember her face. I must have never revived the memory. Not even God's forgiveness is now of any help. I'm gonna cocoon and use all of my cold blood to banish that wicked filth from my mind. I have not become lizard to squander my cold blood on the ugliness of lust. Die, ye worm that gnaws at the foundations of my existence. You shall never prevail. Not. Fucking. Ever.
No.
7898
I'm sad but I guess it's only natural since sun isn't as warm anymore.
No.
7899
Wah waah
Fuck this shit. My brain is acutely sabotaging me
No.
7900
>>7893I wouldn't say losers and even if then I can always be taught how to cope better!
Thanks liz.
No.
7901
I am deeply opposed to cope, but have to resort to it anyway. It doesn't matter how skillfully you cope, it's always with a grain of denial. I mean that cope never delivers you from pain, but changes it is something else. But in the end, you inevitably end up slipping and it all catches up.
No.
7902
> changes it is something
fix: to something
No.
7903
I am sad.
No.
7906
>>7905wow it's one of those russian bots like in the movies :DDD
No.
7907
>>7905Bhop game that is probably virus, yoga with enemas for diabetics, some game forum
5 WAYS TO KEEP ABSENT FROM FREE FUCK SITE
Tf is that bot doing, fake traffic or what
No.
7911
>>7906y'know they actually spy on you and know your identity!
No.
7914
I feel so depressed I don't want to even leave my bed. It all has suddenly lost all meaning. I should get over it but I can't. I tried to go on as hard as I could but here I just broke down.
No.
7928
Yada, yada, yada, YAMETE
No.
7929
I swore I wouldn't waste today, but I am still spacing out and I still have not done any fucking thing.
What
the
fuck
is
wrong
with
me
No.
7930
Boss screamed at me on Thursday so I lost my marbles.
I didn't even do shit wrong lol it's the first time my employer is like that.
I came up with great cope, a belief where I'm in purgatory.
I have to go through many lifetimes of suffering until my soul is cleansed or my score is sufficient.
After death we just respawn back with no memory but hidden knowledge stays which has effect on our personality and how we are going to act.
Also I've been playing for 4days nonstop Rimworld lol
Need to go to job tomorrow, I'm scared.
Well I better get 5 hours of sleep now.
>>7929I know it's easy to say but best to focus your mind on something
No.
7931
>>7930By the way I really screwed myself, I haven't been doing shit for a few weeks now, decided to take a peek outside my hide today and noticed that I'm screwed. Sometimes it's really too late. Dunno what I'm going to do now. Guess suffering is the only option after all. It only gets bleaker and bleaker.
No.
7932
I don't even care, head completely empty. Like, fuck you all.
No.
7934
>>7933Remembering what happened the last does fucking nothing to help.
No.
7935
>>7933>cognitive testsLmao, sounds like something for high earning positions.
I root for you, hire me as a maid alright?
No.
7936
>>7935If you can induce gigantomastia on yourself, I might consider it
Or maybe not, chicks with dicks are gross.
No.
7937
I could be a good butler if you feed me and allow me to rot on the internet in my free time!
No.
7938
>>7937that only works if you're a sheckshi lady
i know, double standards.
No.
7939
>>7938If ladies is what you want I could learn to attract them to you. I don't care so long as I can live a lizard.
No.
7940
as a lizard, that is. Oh I'm so tired of making typos.
No.
7943
lizzies, i made it
they sent me the contract
i may be employed in the very near future
>>7941turn your boobs into the big boobs
No.
7944
>>7943Don't forget to hire us Mr future Richman
>turn your boobs into the big boobsI know what that is, the question is what does it change for you? *picrel*
No.
7946
>>7944>what does it change for you?big boobie
No.
7948
>>7933I need this version of meme where instead of 'comfortable' it would say 'sociable'. You may find it hard to believe but I let my guards slip two or three weeks ago, and now I caught myself thinking that there are actually people who give a damn about me and that trying to become closer with actually makes sense. Now I am experiencing a major setback into my usual misanthropy. I hate my mind for demanding interaction with others. But I guess even lizards get hungry over time, huh? I'll use them if I must, but no getting close. Not ever close. Being partly human is such a nuisance I hate it.
No.
7949
>>7942.
30 years isn't that much. Bless you.
No.
7950
>>7948>I hate my mind for demanding interaction with othersWarmie
>I guess even lizards get hungry over time, huh?Yes, for food that is
>I'll use them if I must, but no getting closeNice mental gymnastics, you know what you want. Unless you don't then be more self aware
I swear there was rule prohibiting talking about wanting to partake in social activities nor mentioning them here.
It was conjoined with current rule 2 in my mind.
I remember no porn rule being added later.
Ihato did you also make some changes to the codex or I'm just living in my own world and in need of pills.
If it's not the first option then I'm hardcore delusional
No.
7952
Hm I actually don't remember if there are rules against it but I'm too sick now to care. Oh just delete them if you don't like them I want be spamming if I'm now welcome.
No.
7953
Fix: won't be spamming.
Also don't forget I'm a lizard laughing at me does nothing to damage me anymore.
No.
7958
Just so you know by socializing I meant using imageboards 8+ hours a day.
No.
7960
I'm scared and feeling extremely uneasy and at the same time pissed.
Motor and vocal tics, the fuck is going on.
Nothing stressful happened in this week, no clue what's up lol
No.
7961
>>7960Tourette syndrome? People think I'm crazy because of this shit. It's not like I can control it.
No.
7962
>>7959haha gotcha
you loose your tail!
No.
7963
>>7961Hah it's cool that you're still around.
We talked about this crap some time ago.
If I remember correctly yours didn't sound like tourette.
We've got some different shit, I tried to look up what doc diagnosed but no such thing exists xd
The search engines got so bad holy shit.
Need to get rid of this habit and just use LLMs
Posting this image if you want to look up more about it.
But it's not like you can do much against these tics on your own
No.
7964
>>7963I am half crazy so don't get upset, but I don't remember us talking. I don't usually talk about it at all, because it's gross. Nobody knows this syndrome and naming it isn't adding anything to the discussion. Modern fags have their dictionary limited to {'autistic', 'schizo'}, so bringing up some real stuff puts you at a disadvantage.
But my tics are real Tourette. I don't experience them know thankfully, but just a few month ago it went so crazy I was literally avoiding people lest somebody sees how I can't stop contorting my face and half my body. At least my vocal tics are not that loud. Actually, the only reason I'm not diagnosed is because I asked the therapist to please not confirm the diagnosis and then never visited them again.
Your screenshot is interesting, I'll look it up. Anyway is it bad for you? Are tics severe? I hope it doesn't get in the way of your life too much.
No.
7965
Wish me luck. I ride towards another wasted weekends to spend time with another set of two legged beings I hate wholeheartedly and sincerely. I can't help fantasizing about killing them but unfortunately it won't help me get food. Just another thing to suffer through. Did it a billion times before. Should be able to withstand it this time as well.
No.
7968
Man I'm completely tired out. No powah whatsoever. Need to recuperate asap.
No.
7969
I fall asleep standing. Weekends. Sweet. Juicy. Yeaa
No.
7972
Same here, 10 hours of sleep 3 days in a row.
I think tonight will be the same lol
No.
7973
>>7964>because it's grossFor me they're proof of destroyed mind, proudly wearing this badge because I knew that it's going to happen but I still fought against it.
>bringing up some real stuff puts you at a disadvantage.This crap is impossible for me to hide so I'm already at disadvantage hahaha
I have to explain this stuff because mine mimic gesture that can be interpreted as "come look at this", "this fucking fly is bothering me",
"nyah my feline ears are itchy"That's most common one, the second one is raising hand as if I was in classroom wanting to speak something. This one has huge autistic energy lol
Like "um please I want to add something to this conversation"
Oh yeah when it comes to face movement I close left eye then sweep my long cat ear to cover it.
It sounds so retarded ik but I don't think there is any better way to visualize it.
>my tics are realThey for sure are, probably not tourette but tic is a tic. I completely understand why you would hide when they're apparent.
Mine happen so often that I just had to accept this.
>my vocal tics are not that loudSame here when it comes noises, thankfully they happen when no one can hear
BUT in conversation sometimes "hello?" goes between words.
Funny thing is that it's in totally different voice as if scared child said this to make sure there is no one in dark spooky room waiting.
No.
7975
Losing it*
I've spent way too much time writing this, that would explain the terrible mood - all this in my head without outlet rotting inside.
Tomorrow I better be feeling fine
No.
7976
> when I have to make a choice I'm immediately suicidal lol
Liz that's so relatable. I don't have BPD but living constantly stressed, in the past six to ten months I have killed my ego. I really don't feel like an integer person, or a person at all. I feel like a mind trapped in a body. This is so weird I can't explain. The side effect of this is that I stopped giving a shit. Immediate survival is the only thing that still bothers me. I am completely unable to think even three days ahead. I just go with the flow. Also maintaining a character is a constant effort. Always has been. If I don't keep myself in check I just begin sperging out and people have to tell me to fuck off because otherwise I'm going to unload my crap on them until my mine goes blank. The problem with it isn't just the unholy amount of verbal or textual spam I generate, but how I completely change my attitude, point of view and manner of speech in a course of a single fucking day. People just can't get over me behaving like another human being the next day. It's very irritating and I am gradually working up my skill to keep my mouth shut and to avoid unnecessary interaction. This still happens once in a while though.
But lately I've begun to accept that I simply don't have any ego and this a very liberating feeling. Why would I give a shit? It is almost like epiphany. Why caring if it's not me anyway? I personally don't give a shit about anything, it is the other "presence" in me that spurs "humanly" behavior. If it wants to behave like this or like that, why in the world would I care? I only care about some safety precautions, avoiding immediate harm and avoiding provoking unnecessary potential harm. As for the rest, I don't give a shit what that other person in me does. Even this post is mostly written by that other person, since I don't see much point in talking about it.
Not sure how to answer the rest, maybe later. Good luck liz. May the fortune be on your side.
No.
7980
>>7976Haha what the heck, this exactly sounds like me but dialed down a bit.
>I just begin sperging outIt sometimes happens to me then it's shitload of info how much existing pains me.
My logical thinking turns off - expecting someone to fix me in a second.
>I've begun to accept that I simply don't have any ego and this a very liberating feelingThat's the opposite of my thought.
At first I was like that but my mind is too desperated and is constantly trying to latch onto something/someone but it always changes the next day.
I'm happy that we have similar thing going on and it's not excruciating for ya.
Thank you for reply, I wish the best to you too
No.
7982
>>7980>constantly trying to latch onto something/someone but it always changes the next day.Yeah that's the difference between us. I hate defending on others and I'm unhappy that I have to. In my ideal world I am completely independent of other and can just do my own shit privately forever.
No.
7983
>defendent
Sometimes careless usage of auto complete has funny results. Gotta embed PC in my bed to avoid phone posting.
No.
8006
>>7982>that's the difference between usSo I'm the cooler one!
My tics got worse, falling asleep is hard because they happen like every few seconds.
It screws up something because I start dreaming without actually falling asleep fully. Not hypnagogia though.
Stress is killing me and there is nothing to stress about
No.
8011
>>8006>falling asleep is hard because they happen like every few seconds>falling asleep is hardThere is no limit to how much I can rant about it. No my tics never got in the way of sleeping. Instead, I am fucking devastated by anxiety lately. I have absolutely no fucking idea what's the source, but it kills me from inside. I want to go sleep to finally get my share of god damn rest to be able to think at least A FUCKING BIT, maybe because I am FUCKING TIRED OF BEING STUPID AND SLEEPY, but no, each time I try to go to sleep early this anxiety kicks in and puts me in impenetrable misery and mind searing agony. I end up thrashing on my bed like some soulless husk until I am too tired to keep my eyes open and then I finally fall asleep. The worst part of this is that I KEEP FUCKING WAKING UP, each time, each day, each morning or whatever time of the day, I FUCKING WAKE UP AGAIN to repeat this cycle of meaningless unwarranted torture. I lost the count of days, but it has been like this for more than a month at least and it has started… I don't have any idea when it started, perhaps closer to end of the summer or whatever, but it was still somehow tolerable, but somewhere around a month ago, maybe a week or two earlier, there was a SUDDEN DROP, like I was split in two and everything just toppled down. There isn't a single day that I don't have random impulses to slit my own throat and end this for good. I can't see any meaning to this. I see no point to 'just go on bro, dont give up bro' bullshit as well, it makes no sense. What the fuck am I doing in this god forsaken world? Holy Raptor…
No.
8012
Remembered a melody, triggered OCD, can't remember/find the actual sound track. I'm on brink of despair
No.
8013
Omfg writing on phone and pasted shit instead of copying it, lost whole message lmfao.
It took so long write.
>>8011So in short:
1. order some sleeping pills lizza
2. rel rel rel
3. you have to make sense or find it in something
-
I was going to cut myself but my mind reminded me that this shit doesn't help with suffering and is just messy.
So I bought alcohol for the weekend.
Prob gonna order some harder stuff tomorrow when I sober up, or diy psychiatrist drugs.
Got no hope at all but I've still got 554 days before I kill myself, so that's quite some time to figure stuff out.
After trying diy prescriptions, I will get therapy, after therapy I might as well throw away my lizardence and see what people see in love.
Can't Rel at all and on top of that im asexual but it doesn't really matter if you die Liz or not.
But heck might as well try, I'm not a failed normie and could get it whenever I wanted it but, I see no point in it nor pleasure.
So that will be literally last thing I try, finding a soulmate lol
So drunk I can't walk straight, SWAG!
alcohol is so lame, I already broke my code by buying this shit but I don't see any meaning in self preservation that's why I went for it. I don't drink at all
No.
8015
>>8013>order some sleeping pills lizza Yeah been thinking about it for a while, sleeping pills that hopefully make you sleep an eternity
>Got no hope at all but I've still got 554 days before I kill myself, so that's quite some time to figure stuff out.I hope you do figure it out, it is unfair that the most superior race on earth has to suffer such ridiculous bullshit
No.
8016
>>8015>that hopefully make you sleep an eternityHaha sleeping for eternity is optimistic approach, I hope it's like that.
Before making your last order you might as well get some junkie shit tried out, ofc first starting with therapeutic stuff in safe dosages then some real crap.
Go for ket, lsd, mdma, mushrooms but don't just ingest it like a retard, read stuff how it's used in alternative therapy and educate yourself.
>hope you do figure it outThanks, how about we go on therapy and be put on some jewpills?
I've already tried but could try this again tho only if you're in.
If you've got any other recommendations, let's do it together then.
Got nothing going on and I need a leader haha
AAAAAA AAA.
Mmm the feeling of sobering up from alcohol is terrible. Coming back to reality is so quick, at least other shit changes perception for longer. What a waste
No.
8020
>>8016>Got nothing going on and I need a leaderI wish you knew how paranoid I am about therapists and their pills
No.
8031
Woof woof! D-don't give up, goshojin sama! Woof!
No.
8034
>>8031nvm, I already gave up on this idea and just want to die.
I'm never going to find anything that sticks, can not ressurect myself no matter what.
Endless search for something that could live in this body.
No.
8036
Cont.
>>8034Nevermind! My mother forced me to piss outside again lol
Didn't bother to ask before taking bathtub then when I was begging also nope.
Had to go outside like a good boi.
Now my language will be limited to barking and woofing.
We're are so back
No.
8037
>piss outside
Just what exactly do you mean
>Now my language will be limited to barking and woofing.
Woof woof!
>Endless search for something that could live in this body
I was about to ask if you aren't too obsessed but then haha you get it right?
Sadly knowing how mental illness is from the inside it is likely you can't resurrect yourself because you brain doesn't allow you. To most people persistence comes naturally or whatever, or they learn to cope naturally, idk when your head is a mess trying isn't very helpful because your brain still ends up undermining all your effort and dumping you back into the sewers of mental agony
No.
8041
>>8037>piss outside >>piss outside
>Woof woofIndeed
>too obsessed Yes
>you can't resurrect yourself Yes
I was once a liz while I still am one, but my drive has been wiped.
Dependent personality disorder is the most fucking gay sickness there is, dysphoria got nothing on this shit.
>copePup found aromantic Owner
Fuck this piece of shit world that made retarded
This will end sooner or later then I can just die. Fucking shithole where you can decide for yourself only at 18.
Was smarter than these cunts that raised me.
Fucked up life for me and all I could do was experiencing rot and suffering.
Liz brain fucked to the point of becoming warm. This is some bullshit joke scenario , I'm ashamed of everything, signing out
No.
8044
Struggle against disturbance inside of you, expect less help from the outside. There's no telling if it will help you, but that's what I am doing right now. I am sorry but I have nothing to show off. But I feel a bit easier. When you constantly challenge the madness in your head and suppress it thought brutal reason-rationality, you feel a bit more confident about your head. It's like you're slowly building a palace in your mind where you can shelter from any misfortune that comes from outside. I am firmly convinced it is more productive than dwelling on limitations imposed on you by external world. You have received the gift of such diverse cognition from Jesus Raptor himself, why'd you squander it? I'm sorry I've no achievements in this field so I can't share useful experience with you. Don't give up
No.
8051
>Yay I will do a lot of stuff today
>Go for a walk to get a break from people constantly surrounding you
>Get back
>Sleep through the rest of the day
Winter is hard time for a lizard if we wants to be active. It is understandable I just want to sleep through the cold season in my burrow, quietly.
No.
8071
I am hanging on a hair thin thread. Fingers crossed, if it snaps Ima head out
No.
8077
I was having my midday sleep to take a rest from existence, but was woken up in the middle of it. Now my head aches. Somebody is going to die today, no hard feelings. You get what you deserve.
No.
8078
>>8077>Somebody is going to die today Oh me me please
No.
8081
So basically being an adult is just living through depression, coping, and working for the elite until you drop dead. That's what I've gathered so far as a 26 year old.
No.
8083
>>8081Depends on your luck. It's correct for people who weren't exposed to "greatness" from childhood. For example, if from childhood you grew up in a supporting environment of successful people, and if your genes weren't completely fucked up, you would be successful too. If not, even with good genes you would most likely suck ass to the end of your life. Sometimes genes prevent you from succeeding regardless of environment. Also you don't have to drop dead, you can kill yourself anytime theoretically.
Anyway my experience so far is the same as yours, so I more concern myself with "spiritual" things that would allow me to escape reality completely. Still fumbling in the dark though
No.
8084
>>8080Your pic is very relatable. Helplessness tends to grow worse and you can't do anything about it. I hate this mindset, but it seems if you didn't get a good start you have to settle for the nadir. On the other hand I think it's hopeless in terms of rotting. Even with wageslaving, if you have a burrow to dwell in there are plenty of ways to occupy your time without rotting.
No.
8085
I don't think it's hopeless*
As a matter of fact you need to cut off all entertainment, it is truly brain rot. Entertainment is a reward. If you trap yourself into no achievement no reward loop you may actually make it. It's better to work for nothing than to rot for nothing, because the latter hurts more.
No.
8088
Weird. I did it before why can't I do it once more? What's so hard about it?
No.
8089
>>8085I will do that for three days as experiment.
Any form of recreation unless it's physical is prohibited (not gonna fap)
Will report back on Friday evening
It has to make some difference, right???
No.
8090
>It has to make some difference, right???
It probably won't, though. How many times do you think I tried? I've been looping for several years now, and so far I only ever spiraled down, never up
No.
8091
I have a chance to get out of bed an hour early ftw but I can't. Why should I, anyway?
According to the pattern, I should be hypomanic with anxiety right now pushing onward day to night. That's what always happened at this iteration before. Now I'm just bed ridden by apathy. This is something new indeed
No.
8092
And of course noisy children have to add to my misery. Lucky bastards. Imagine having it easy
No.
8093
lmao spent too long sleeping now my spine muscles hurt. they hurt while i stand, they hurt while i sit, they even hurt while i lay down again. now half of my mental effort goes to ignoring the pain draining useful energy out of me and making my productivity go to hell.
No.
8094
i basically fell below the threshold required of me to actually do something. hopeless. i guess i'll go jump under a train or whatever maybe it will massage me and ease the pain haha
No.
8095
Spent entire day laying on the floor. Truly exquisite existence.
No.
8096
Spent entire day sleeping on the floor. Literally. I was vigilant maybe 5-6 hours total. Exquisite
No.
8098
I need sleep pills
No.
8099
Me and me in image
>>8090>It probably won'tWell it did help, not in a good way lol , turns out I'm warmbrained.
So yah I'm gonna blame traumas, bpd, dpd for changing my personality.
But that's so retarded looking at what I went through the most reasonable option is self isolation. Why tf Ive been cursed with dependent personality disorder which is the opposite of what I was doing for years before getting it is beyond me.
and still going strongOh and apparently need of group belonging - that would explain why I had many dreams related to that - EVEN THOUGH SOCIAL PHOBIA WAS MY FIRST CONDITION.
I feel so alienated, same consciousness but a different person.
So what, now I'm supposed to try to get better for "myself" that is not even me just some construct?
Naaah, I hate this and can't even relate to these needs. They feel completely out of place and disgust me.
Yet these are "my" needs.
Fuck that, I could achieve it but prefer dying. I'm not like that and never was
No.
8100
It was a dreadful night. I was tortured by something I can't understand and identify until I found some calming music and finally fell asleep. I thought I would need to go vomit a few times but thankfully no, though my stomach was a very tight knot. What am I supposed to do when I can't even rely on falling asleep peacefully. I'm so glad my dreams are mostly supportive of me, if I loose shelter even in dreams I'll really kill myself no jokes
No.
8101
Fuck you. I am a lizard. I am just going to lie low and wait as much as I must until I finally win. You will not fucking prevail, ever. I hate your very essence.
No.
8102
223488
>>8100>>8101Screams of pain that have no meaning behind them, can you just once put some sense or explanation for your mental state just once?
No.
8104
>>8099>Well it did help, not in a good way lol , turns out I'm warmbrained. The do you mean at all by this
>the most reasonable option is self isolationThis is so fucking true just cut off this world of vomit. I have been on and off trying to this since 2020 or maybe a bit sooner I couldn't even make a step I always end up the same crawling back to imageboards and seeking interaction/closeness with/validation from this putrid scum. I hate it so fucking much. I hate this internal weakness of mine that drives me again and again towards these two legged ugly monsters. If you want to isolate yourself fucking shoot yourself in the face dude I can't believe there is another way, I have been failing hard for 5 years in a row this is so hopeless
>Oh and apparently need of group belongingSuch a fucking bullshit, this meek sickening animal inside of you begging for attention of whatever the fuck, it is driving me insane, I want to kill it so much but I can't kill it without killing myself as well. This feels so horrid desiring to be part of the clown world when you hate every single individual and for a reason. The devil is fucking eager to see me dead that's why he torments me so cruelly.
>I feel so alienated, same consciousness but a different personhow did you change so much overnight
No.
8107
fix: couldn't
No.
8108
this is so pathetic there was another liz sometime around here probably and my posts are almost complete copy of his style, unconsciously. i have failed so utterly i wonder if i have blood at all, maybe my veins are cold simply because nothing but void flows through them
No.
8109
I feel another night's horror slowly creeping in.
No.
8110
So I managed to fall asleep only to wake up hours before I need to. Sanity simply isn't going to happen right?
No.
8111
>>8104>The do you mean at all by thisHaha what
>"this meek sickening animal inside of you begging for attention of whatever"Yeah, I basically meant this. relrel
>failing hard for 5 yearsWhat do you mean exactly?
>desiring to be part of the clown world when you hate every single individualApe genes stronk, can't do shit about it.
I don't hate anyone instead am repulsed by their thought processes (but I knew people that were exception)
>how did you change so much overnight Not overnight, this happened around 9years ago. But after being diagnosed like 2 months ago I got further with becoming more aware of "myself" and understanding that the person who I was once was literally killed lol
In literal psychiatric sense (not poetic)
Naow I'm noticing all these behaviors that were not updated after the death of me.
That's why the feeling of alienation as these behaviors and outlooks are incompatible with what I became.
It's just a mess. Oh and this personality that I have now is rapidly changing depending on interactions and emotional thoughts.
But subconsciously I still haven't accepted that I lost myself that's why I'm feeling past change much stronger than daily personality swaps.
>can't explain pain and suffering that do not have any apparent sourceLearn about self-observation methods and you will find (is going to take some time).
I'm not a pro but it sounds like you need some true friends and headpats
No.
8113
>friends and headpats
Even thinking about the possibility of this things changing me for the better makes me sick to the point of vomiting. Hypocrisy and treason are human nature, deeply hardcoded in genes, whoever accepts himself as human must also accept these poisonous things as part of himself. How can you make friends with them? It doesn't matter how I twist and turn it, all human relationship boil down to using each other as tools to achieve whatever the objective. Be it money or pleasure. People even abuse each other to grind reassurance. I fucking can't comprehend this. There is no way to be friends with someone like that. BUT THERE ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE LEFT OF THE HUMAN NATURE. Think hard about it, what is warm blooded life about? There is nothing in it, inherently, genetically, it is limited to seeking pleasure, validation from others, and to building an illusion of personal safety against possible circumstances. Humans are completely, entirely empty by their very nature, hollow husks of rotten bile. They are, by the very definition of a human, unable to live a life of peaceful coexistence for the purpose of maintaining balance in the given world and without any desire to prosper. Just how much better life would be in a civilization that lives to fulfill its place it nature, that hasn't discord, hasn't all this human filth, where the society is guided by good faith, naturally driven to contribute to the overall beauty of the whole? But this isn't possible with warm bloods because they were born ugly, soulless and vile pieces of dirt. Humans were the most dire mistake of the creator.
How can I trust any of them, when betrayal is only a part of their life cycle?
No.
8115
Btw i wanted to say the fuck do you mean by that but it no longer matters because i already forgot. I really waste my time living on this planet
No.
8116
I am on the point of feeling sorry for littering lizchan with my mental shit but after my recent realization of complete impossibility of compatibility between me and this malignant world I have been feeling so acutely sick I don't know if should cut myself. They say it help. I never did it and I hate people who do it, so I am strongly opposed to it, and yet the thought got in my head and it took effort to chase it out. These thoughts that constantly seek to pain and stab me are mind killers. Not a second of a break to recuperate
No.
8117
You know, maybe I need to find a small patch of land somewhere and do quiet farming, where nobody will bother me. My mind and soul yearn to live free of human scum, but these evil buzzards are everywhere, EVERYWHERE, and I don't have the lizpowers to btfo them. Jesus Raptor I beg
No.
8118
>>8113There are people who are exception to this "God's great design". Not everyone is like what you're saying.
>the fuck do you mean by thatIt seems like that's your biggest problem lack of decent beings and pain of being alone and not understood.
Unless it's something else but you can't prove it, no? Lol
You need headpats and hugging.
>They say it helpUuh maybe for a short time if at all.
Even then you would be doing it more often and digging deeper.
To the point where it gets dangerous or just stops working.
>and I hate people who do it:ddddd
No.
8119
I understand it now. Those who seek forgiveness from others are putrid scum. They fail to see their own filth. The core of evil lies within and only within. How can you ask others to forgive your own evil? And what would it change? Disgusting rotten flesh. I will never cleanse myself of what I have done to me. Or rather what he has done to me. He who is another me but wretched, ugly, sick, vile. I can not undo any of it. There is no way out for me. I am not just trapped, it is something worse, far worse than a trap. I am implicated in malice that can not be cleared. I can not run from it, I can not overcome it, there is nothing I can do to it. I am bug sitting in the mouse of the predator, watching myself being chewed away. There is nothing, NOTHING. I must die. I must kill myself. Please let the time quicker. I am so tired of waiting. Please let me kill myself. I can not live like this. I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS EVIL UGLY SPINELESS THING. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE AS A CRIPPLE, I CAN'T ENDURE IT PLEASE LET ME DIE
No.
8120
Positive reinforcement, yeah. I understand. This beautiful feeling when there is not a place, not a single place where you wouldn't need to be on guard. Always, no matter where I go and what I do, I always end up doing something that turns everyone against me. This why I am a cold blooded abomination. There is no place for cold blood among warm bloods, they feel it and they instinctively get rid of me. This is a normal reaction. But I am not like father lizards. I am weak, I can't fight back warm bloods. They are stronger than me, because they have steadfast determination while I am burdened and crushed by my own swollen evil. Please let the come sooner. I won't even bother with anything elaborate. Good old hanging will work. I just need the possibility to reach for the rope, some time to secure it and some time to choke. So little. Can't even have that.
No.
8121
>>8119Oi Lizza past is past, it's nothing more than wasted time and hurtful scars. It's not like you can't change.
Wish I could help you go through this or at least ease the pain before you decide own fate.
I believe you would feel a tiny bit better but doing this on imageboard wouldn't work.
So remember that there is some rando willing to assist you.
Might as well try before quiting.
>>8120You wouldn't care about these social things if your blood was truly cold.
It's okay and doesn't change anything, just a label.
There is nothing wrong being in between.
Also roping fucking sucks
No.
8123
>You wouldn't care about these social things if your blood was truly cold
Why wouldn't I care about other people deliberately attacking my well being? What are you on about?
No.
8124
Oh yes if I somehow had financial means to evade the necessity to live among humans, I wouldn't give a damn, but as it stands, I have to either live closely among them or kill myself. Since I don't seem to be able to even find a possibility for suicide, there is no choice but to continue this lifeless life. And I am constantly attacked from everywhere by default even when I don't mean any harm. Why wouldn't I care? You fucking trap me in your malignancy infested den, then abuse my inability to properly defend myself to put me through agony. Why the fuck wouldn't I care? I never intended any harm to anyone, just wanted to live quietly in my own place without bothering anyone and without being bothered by anyone. Then you fucking kick in. Oh, damn the possessions, I don't give a fuck about money, but you took away my sanity. I don't properly control my own thoughts, I am no longer in full command of this body, I slowly split in two beings with one being the one that types this text right now and the other that observes and hates and ultimately influences the contents of this text. I am literally skewed enough to be hospitalized in a psych ward. Cold blood or not, there is a threshold to how much pain I can endure. I am not Socrates. I was not even trained for this shit. My limit wasn't that high. And now you fucking accuse me of being warm blooded? Just how fucking hypocrite are you? I wish I could put you through some real agony so you understood that regardless of your blood, being exposed to pain you weren't prepared to handle kills you from the inside. I wish I was just a bit stronger so I had enough spirit to recuperate, albeit temporarily, and murder you. For that would be justice. I have never asked to be implicated in the life of humans. Solitude has been my conscious choice from the very beginning. I never wanted to associate with you. I will repeat myself, [b]I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HUMANS, JUST LIVE QUIETLY BY MYSELF, STUDY MATH, ELECTRONICS AND COMPUTERS AND DO SOME FUN THINGS WITH THEM, THE HUMAN VARIABLE WAS NEVER FUCKING EVER THERE[/b] But you forced your existence upon me. Don't fucking make such stupid gaslighting accusations now. If I could, I would rid the world of your plague once and forever.
No.
8130
>>8129this is simply not true. though it depends how you define "enough". when i get enough i'll kill myself with the kitchen knife and call it a day. anyway i have learned the fundamental impossibility of existing at peaceful terms with the world. i don't care what you lived through, i can't feel and don't even want to to be able to feel compassion. go cope. go dwell on your suffering. i don't care. my pain is my own, if you don't like my rambling don't engage me, i never engage you, never attack you first, i always want to coexist, but you just kick in and backstab with your vile deceitful claims. leave me the fuck alone
No.
8131
inb4 you're hypocrite yourself
that's right and that's why i feel so sick. and that's why i realistically don't fall in the category of either lizards or warm bloods. i am something else. something disgusting that shouldn't be allowed to live. but still i would never accept your hugs or whatever. why do you i am virgin? because muh girls don't wanna hang out with me? don't be ridiculous. i wasn't even 15 years old when i learned how deeply rotten they are and how shallow is this desire for physical closeness. how you can desire hugs, and not be incel/unvirgin at the same time? this is beyond me. i am an abominable hypocrite and liar, and i will die for it, but don't gaslight me and don't attack me. why would you do such a thing? i already suffer enough for my own evil without you constantly sticking knifes in me
No.
8132
fix: why do you think
No.
8136
To the bpd guy.
>I have no personality and it changes daily
This is so relatable. I feel like I have no identity at all and my worldview, behavior and even thoughts are entirely defined by whatever I picked up from some randos. So in the end I don't even feel like I am myself, but instead like I am some sort of an unstable fusion between people who somehow found their way into my head.
No.
8138
>>8136There are lots of things that could make you feel like this. Without paper from pro you will never know if it's the same thing, may be depersonalization, low self esteem or bla bla.
I have it since 9-12 years but diagnosed recently . Didn't bother checking it because "haha I'm just dead inside".
It's something that you can learn to dismiss.
In therapy they help you develop correct ways to think and analyze data.
+ have to create a persona that is going to be inhibiting your body.
Didn't do therapy, too expensive and I lack motivation too.
Fun fact: 70-80% with bpd attempt suicide lol
On top of that dependent personality disorder which is the most lame shit ever:
Reliance on others to make life choices, Inability to make decisions, pain when alone, excessive need for care, low self-esteem, tolerating mistreatment, overwhelming need for reassurance
^sickness that makes you retarded normie sub.
Very unlizardly, thinking I can't even call myself a liz because of this.
All this kid needed were hormones instead got these illnesses and traumas.
But such creatures get no sympathy nor cure.
The worst delusion of them all, existing beyond my personality that's why it was not wiped like everything that I once was.
God why.
No.
8139
>tired
>head cluttered
>doomscroll
>get even more fried
>yawn after yawn, zero energy to do shit
>too tired for basic operations
>yawn once more
>instead of closing imageboards, getting a few minutes of sleep and continuing the day, refresh, post, yawn once more
i really can't comprehend how it is possible to have the words human and intelligence to exist within the same language at the same time
No.
8140
>>8139unironically just have a energy drink or take some caffeine pills
No.
8141
>>8140but these are horrible for your health and i don't have much mental health to spare
No.
8142
>>8141>health>mental healthYeah I gave up on that for me a long time ago. If I die I die. This world is going to shit anyways. Not trying to sound nihilistic but I'm done.
No.
8145
>>8142less mental health more pain don't wanna
No.
8147
>>8146sorry i don't have any place to house him please give him to somebody else
No.
8148
>>8146What are you suggesting?
Crabchan?
No.
8149
>>8148At this point you'd want to also put the word 'pajeet' somewhere in the word 'crabchan', only how?
No.
8150
>>8149I don't follow. Not a clue.
No.
8152
I keep being distracted by internet it's scary at this point if I think about it
No.
8153
>>8148>Crabchan?Now that I think about it, maybe did it subconsciously
>>8149haha what, what??
No.
8155
>job
your job is existing your wage is suffering do you dare ask for more
No.
8156
>>8155We pay taxes to pedophiles and the elite.
No.
8157
>>8156and these taxes are spent developing strategies to mind control & kill us
No.
8159
>>8157You're not wrong on that unfortunately.
No.
8241
omg this russian hacker is at it again
No.
8243
>>8241It's a bot. Seems to be spamming other altchans as well. Been doing this for a while now.
No.
8244
>>8243I take that back it's some deranged pedophile. At least that's what the admin on Wizchan says.
No.
8245
I don't know how much trust wizchan admins deserve but that sorta spam has certainly been around for a long while now.
No.
8248
I jerked off to porn again. I am disgusted by it. I didn't have will enough to stop it. Holy shit. My brain's been unfolding a whole damn campaign against me lately.
No.
8253
>>8248It's just jerking off why do you make such a big deal out of this.
Your ideas that are against ya stop you from experiencing pleasure
Embrace yourself
No.
8256
Anxiety isn't just bothering me, it's chewing my bones
No.
8257
I want out so bad god damn it
