No.
8200
Yeah lizards sorry. I'll probably still be around for some time, maybe even a year or two but watching it all unfold I see unfortunately suicide is my destiny. It's scary as fuck, but the fact of killing yourself itself doesn't make me feel bad anymore. I learned that it is actually a very handy and often reasonable thing to do to avoid embarrassing yourself more than is proper.
No.
8201
>>8199>>8200I can see how suicide is tempting for people like you. Not trying to throw a pity party, but my clinical depression started since I was a teen and with meds hasn't gone away. I just could not go through with it because of religious reasons and my family.
No.
8202
>>8201I don't have a lot of space for suicide either, actually. I've sketched some ideas on how it could be done in secret from everyone, but that will take lots of time, so I think of it as of a long term investment. Liz I would endure anything but my consciousness doesn't allow me. Physical struggle be damned, but emotional pain is too much to bear
No.
8207
I feel strings of madness tugging at me but I'm exhausted so there is nothing left to disturb in me. It roughly feels like lying on a hot pan but be unable to really feel it. It's my daily report! I've been rambling how I'm screwed lately, and today's the day. Tomorrow, a new stage in my life begins, literally. I've never hit the floor as low as this time. I guess the lesson here I should learn is that you do not choose where you're going to fail, so you should instead simply stop giving a fuck. Oh no, I failed!? Fuck it. I must not care. In the long run, it changes nothing. I've been at it for a year now, forcing myself to stop expecting and desiring, but God knows how hard it is in reality. But it's the only sensible thing to do. In the end, you just die or kill yourself. So long as it's bearable I should simply exist just because I can. I just need to live up to this mindset. It's not simple at all
No.
8211
>>8209Meanwhile I don't exit my house during strong wind because it would blow me away
No.
8213
Why god
Why
No.
8214
I've god addicted to listening to music before sleep. Can't sleep otherwise. The problem is that I sometimes end up wasting hours in vain to find something good to sleep to. You can imagine it ain't no happy music.
No.
8216
LOL, triggered OCD, ruined everything even more, and now post compulsion anxiety is kicking in. I want to claws my brains out :D
No.
8217
It's actually neither OCD nor whatever I know of. A random distraction just caught my attention and before I realized what's happening it was already hours too late. At the end I was even aware that I must stop and I just simply couldn't. It takes another person to snap me out, otherwise I'd do it until finish or complete exhaustion. I don't know what the fuck it is.
No.
8218
>>8217Bot says
>The person is describing a situation of procrastination or getting lost in a distraction.
No.
8219
>>8218I wish your bot was more useful than rephrasing what I just said.
No.
8222
I feel like I'm reaching enlightenment for the hundredth time :O
No.
8224
Panic.
Try imageboards. Fail.
Try music. Fail.
Try games. Fail.
Try going outside. Fail.
Try to fix shit. Fail.
Good thing I am still trying to do something, bad thing it's weeks too late.
No.
8225
>>8220I recognize that artist
Wouldn't be surprised if it was a chick
They draw the filthiest things
No.
8229
>>8225Looked it up. Well textual description would probably be too much for lizchan, but it's just a bunch of zoo perversions and big cocks. I remember some goremaster, he drew a picture of a small mermaid writhing in pain on the pan. In a sexual way. Now that would really qualify as filthy.
No.
8230
>>8229waow their art is rly shitty, I had no idea.
Sorry for posting this lizzies lol
No.
8234
Nvm woke up after 4 hours xd
No.
8235
>>8233Pulled an all nighter doing what?
No.
8236
>>8235Rotting away and playing games.
That's all i do
No.
8237
>rotting
Wash yer mouth and from now on always say
>garnering lizard powers
Warm bloods waste their lives in a meaningless race, but cold blood requires you to sometimes lay down and recuperate. I wish sun was warmer in winter so I could sleep a bit less!
No.
8249
Jesus Raptor, this feel… It's just… amazing. I would have to become a professional writer to put it in words strong enough to phrase it to create proper emotional footprint that would reflect what I feel with the correct precision.
In a way, it is like running your hardest when you can run no longer, so the initially pleasant exercise becomes a hellborn torture. And you can not stop. Reasons don't matter, you just can't. Psychologically. I can't describe it. It is pure madness. I can not stop, I can not proceed, I can not change, I am quite literally torn apart piece by piece trying to jump over my own head and unable to stop trying because some shit possesses me.
Oh lord why
why
No.
8250
I am going to do push ups now until I can't feel my hands anymore this could help afaik otherwise I would have to just out of my windows fucking literally even just typing this text having to concentrate on the words and phrasing is a fucking mental anguish.
No.
8251
Ended up rounding pushups sit downs and abdominal until my head was all but spinning. Even if this isn't going to last long, a brief relief is almost a blessing as well.
No.
8252
>>8251This worked if you don't count my headache now.
No.
8258
Heey I lived through another day! There is no limit to my happiness now!
No.
8260
>>8259Damn lizards these loving eyes… amazing picture. Pure superiority of 2D so stark this pic could be used as a mass murder weapon against 3DPD
No.
8263
Happy new year, Lizards!
No.
8274
Tfw the only reason you get up is because your phone is discharged.
No.
8277
Hmm. Too tired to do what I need, too tired to vent. So tired in fact that I neither want nor can even tolerate talking to people. Making a post fills me with fear. I still post this to hopefully whatever I don't know heh
No.
8278
Shoot me in the face
No.
8283
hello
No.
8285
>>8283Hello. How's your burrow? How's the hunt?
No.
8299
Hm I can't make a post?
No.
8301
>>8299Ahh sweet file size limits, didn't notice original file was almost 10mb in size.
No.
8302
Hi again. First visit in a long time.
I hope you are doing better. I am not.
No.
8305
>>8302Hi.
I've got a brief stress free period for once, so I try to enjoy it while I can. I know it will end brutally but damn it feels so good to be able to fall asleep without first being raped by anxiety.
Want to rant? Why do you feel bad?
No.
8307
>>8305Not really up to ranting but i had some bad stuff happen and really have been unable to control my self sabotaging behavior recently. Or maybe more that i don't have the will to control that stuff anymore.
>>7739I feel exactly like this when i have to go out. The outside world doesn't feel real to me
No.
8309
>>8307>Not really up to ranting but i had some bad stuff happen and really have been unable to control my self sabotaging behavior recently.Don't worry too much about it. I've been through the shit just not so long ago. Got triggered badly and completely spaced out very nearly ruining my life in the process.
No.
8318
I am working my best to break the springing remnants of consciousness and self. Otherwise I'd simply go mad. Only when you don't consider yourself anything, like an empty bubble or whatever can you find any peace. Just let even the slightest idea of self to sink in, and thousands of desires rip you apart. No thanks.
No.
8326
>>8318Chasing desires is what makes life worth living dumbo
No.
8328
>>8326Chasing desires is what makes your life top notch miserable. Each desire rooted in the world of material possessions is a leverage for abuse. Whoever holds the objects of your desires, holds you, and can do what he wants, while you are being slowly eaten alive by anxiety and by the swelling unsatisfied desires. Whoever holds object of your desire can make you grovel and beg for it and reduce yourself to a mockery of a human being. Whoever chases desires invites others to abuse him. Desires are the most evil thing I have known, and they are so deeply internalized I am not sure that evil is not an intrinsic part of being a human. This is why I must become a lizard. To have no desires, so nobody and nothing has power over me. Only I and my burrow. "Take what small comfort there may be left, Seize what you love and damn all the rest". Me and my burrow. You happy-go-lucky normans can go elsewhere, you and I exist in different worlds.
No.
8329
>>8328>To have no desires, so nobody and nothing has power over meSounds like defensive mechanism lol
You can just not let yourself get overpowered by others and keep going towards your dreams.
It sounds like you're trying to become something you're not for no other reason than being afraid of getting hurt or perhaps it's selfhate.
I don't know you so I might be stretching this a bit.
If I had any desires I would do all to fulfill them.
No.
8330
>>8329Say is it possible that something that is good in its nature turns you down?
No.
8333
>>8331Don't worry, me too.
