No.2672
>>2667My family was mad at me that I'm not studying externally.
Had to leave full-time studies and wageslave.
I had IQ test and score was high, they think that I'm sort of genius.
The funny thing is that the test imo was done incorrectly just to boost my confidence lol.
What subject are you on?
Do you learn anything from classes?
In my case I couldn't learn a thing and after some time of unsuccessful trying I decided to just read manga there.
At least year of wageslaving left. Lost some cash because I lended it to mother but she's not willing to give it back.
It was quite a lot, shiet
No.2673
>mental health going down
>killer urethral opening infection AGAIN
>still on shift
Oh yeah, make me feel alive this way
No.2674
>>2672>What subject are you on?It was a beginner cs course.
My boomer parents tried to push me into a cs degree because they say
im good with compuers bc I built my own pc and I sit in my room all day.
>Do you learn anything from classes? No, I dont understand a damn thing I fucking hate all those classes they dont teach
anything and its all mindless busywork.
>I decided to just read manga there. I tried playing flash games a couple of times during class but I feel guilty that Im
doing something bad by not paying attention and it will bite my ass further down the line,
but that never really is the case. Memorize shit for a test and go take it, forget about it
the moment im done and move on to the next exam where I have to do the same thing over, over
again thats been my life since I started school.
>wageslavingI worked at a gas station cashier job and it was so fucking easy doing the same shit and i atleast
get compensated for it while at school I make nothing and probably wont get a job thanks to low job
growth in my area and businesses import foreginers cheap+get tax breaks for taking them in. Those
same boomer business owners, (i met one of them while in the college for a project) complain young
kids dont work (they are "lazy" when its their parents who force them the meme to go to college and get any degree)
and so what he does is give visas to cheap workers from bulgaria/east europe and pay them
minum wage and give them tax breaks. I only got that cashier job because of family nepotism, otherwise Id be fucked.
No.2676
>>2673>mental health going downwelcome to my world
>killer urethral openingI'm worried about having another stomach virus. I might need to get a barium test, which could take months with my shitty medical system.
No.2687
Gonna visit psychiatrist or sth like that on Saturday.
It got worse and I'm having delusions.
I was good for two months of social interaction (job) and when the third started shit went downhill.
Naisu laifu
No.2688
>>2687I'd go insane being surrounded by insane people too liz, 2 months is longer than i'd make it, even if you start seeing shadow people or horrifying delusions i'm sure you'll beat the shit out of them or endure and outlast them.
No.2689
WARNING: CRINGE
>>2688Fortunately shadow ppl or things appearing out of nowhere for a millisecond don't scare me.
Thanks Lizzie I'll try my best to not go mad even more.
Although it's really hard for me.
Already have suicidal thoughts, with everyday it's getting worse.
Well it's normal, things get unbearably bad and you feel like there is no way to stop that so suicide feels like the only remedy.
Even if things causing it are laughable, the mental pain is excruciating.
Funny thing is that if I switched job to one where there is no full time contact with apes my problems would be gone.
Can't do it since I'd get the same or worse kind of hell from my family if I didn't work for even few days.
Funny and sad but it's real.
Talked with them about my problems and they went mad.
So here I am going mental then taking jewpills that make me feel even worse for half a year then the post-pill depression after that happiness and the cycle repeats when something stresses me constantly for certain amount of time.
Thinking about cutting myself just to show them since my words never get to them and blood is the only thing starts to spin their brains. Sounds dumb and edgy I wish there was different way to do it.
What do?
No.2692
What would You recommend?
I tried talking many times.
Thing that I wrote is really retarded but I'm lost and have no idea what to do
No.2693
>>2689>Already have suicidal thoughts>Well it's normalCertainly in the scenario you find yourself in, most parents are just grown up children but yours seem pretty unforgiving and ignorant, sorry about that liz.
>Funny and sad but it's real.Funny by divine comedy/tragedy standards. Would you beable to hunt for a more secluded job while still working your normal one? It'd take time but you could try to line up your first day of employment with the day you quit.
>taking jewpills that make me feel even worseNoticed that too, feelings are for the most part pretty awful but once you hide them with medicine but do nothing about what caused them it makes you feel a bit existentially invalidated, and hollow in a way which is also oddly painful in a unique way.
>What do?Advice is kind of like telling someone how to die slower, and it's a bit hypocritical for me to give since i'm speed running life myself. Cutting yourself would probably just make your family angrier, as they seem to respond to resistance or sadness with a lack of will to understand it.
(It's also not that great, it helps you get out of your head for awhile but stresses you out even more)
Don't even know what I should do let alone someone else, I just ignore reality, if I was in your shoes I'd be homeless or dead, not to encourage that for any fellow lizards, i'm just weak/unwilling to compromise/and uninterested in my prospects.
No.2694
What did you do on Harmony Day?
Did you feel apathy from not being in the moment and instead being on an internet where no fun things are done now?
If so then welcome aboard!
No.2696
>>2694>Harmony DayI feel sorry for white Australians, not only are they getting ethnically displaced but they're forced to celebrate it. What an insane world we live in.
No.2697
>>2696im pretty sure harmony day is a /v/
eddit thing.
No.2698
>>2694I played Let It Die and posted an anime girl on Lizchan.
Living it up lizzies.
No.2700
>>2697>im pretty sure harmony day is a /v/eddit thing.See, this is what I'm talking about. The internet no longer is about finding something amazing and sharing the experience, it's about belittling others now.
No.2701
>>2699got two step sisters who sleep around, parents would pay them out of anything. I'd just be told to get a job.
Wish I never had to work simply due to being born as a hole haver, reality lame.
No.2702
>>2697https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harmony_DayI thought he was talking about this. In either case it's a gay and lame holiday.
No.2703
>>2700>See, this is what I'm talking about. The internet no longer is about finding something amazing and sharing the experience, it's about belittling others now.You wont find me praising that shithole. If you want a happy vee circlejerk by all means, go on over to 8kunt.
No.2704
>>2693>Would you beable to hunt for a more secluded job while still working yes and no, even writting CV and sending it stresses me hard.
I've made one they called me the next day but couldn't answer cuz customers.
8 calls in 4 min and when I called back they didn't answer,tried many times during that day but same result.
As escapism I just play games after work till it's time to fall asleep.
>speed running lifewhat You mean by this?
>>2695Unfortunately that's not the problem.
Lately I stuffed myself up so much that I got a headache but it changed nothing when it comes to stress.
>>2699Fake it for free bucks Lizzie
Last two days I didn't schiz out that much,stressed only tiny a bit but it was bearable. Weird stuff
No.2705
>>2703>he thinks I'm talking about 8/v/ and not /v/ in generaltard
No.2707
Psychotherapist said that I'm stressing because of internal conflict.
I don't think so but I'm just a dumbdumb and know nothing about psychology stuff.
Didn't ask me about social stuff but probably thinks that I'm an incel that is too "lame" to have friends.
At least that's what I felt but it's too early to assume that.
Good news is that the whole conversation went quickly without unnecessary words.
1 hour of therapy costs me 8 of mine,epic.
No.2709
>>2704>even writting CV and sending it stresses me hard.Same, I don't know why but I hate the process.
>As escapism I just play games after workI enjoy parts of every media but it's hard for me to become to enamored with an escapist activity no matter how much I love them, I'll have a week where I get into something then a week or two of staring at walls or my monitor reading.
>what You mean by thisJust setting myself up for failure, long term isolation, unhealthy living habits paired with disease and bad mental health, me vs world mentality, kind of waiting for my death flag to pop up and take my leave.
>>2707Wouldn't even go to see one if I had to pay for it myself and didn't gain some neet cred.
All I got from female ones were a bunch of pill pushing and "advice" that comes across as condescending.
The male ones are always jordan peterson likes, or woke psychedelic users who usually don't really have advice but are willing to act nice to you for 300$ an hour.
No.2710
>>2707>psychotherapist I was seeing one for a while. You have to get deep into your inner life with these guys, it was way too intense for me. I honestly felt bad for the guy for having to listen to guys like us tell our twisted tales.
The dream analysis stuff was interesting and helpful. Dreams really are just your unconscious mind trying to communicate with you.
No.2711
man is 2020 turning out shitty. I want 2019 back
No.2712
man is reality turning out shitty. I want the void back
No.2715
>>2714I do not wish Buddhism was real.
I think it's probably pretty accurate though.
>>2713return me to nothing raptor jesus
No.2720
>>2718weird how many people get dogs just to cage them, I had a good few when I was young and they were never really loud being able to run around freely.
No.2721
When I stress hard there is a strong urge to punch my head or objects.
Yesterday I was sitting in corner for like half hour fighting the ape rage and hyperventilating.
I'm losing my mind
No.2722
>>2721if you're not hyper poor look into getting a punching bag, I've been wanting one and I don't think it's unnatural to want to beat the shit out of something to vent, it gets you out of your head too.
No.2724
>>2721>punch my headbe careful liz, you don't want to break yourself
No.2728
>>2722I barerly have enough space in my room to make a proper push-up.
>>2724I'll be ,the problem is that when I'm in state like that there is not much logical thinking.
Just a rollercoaster of emotion and fight to not do anything dumb.
Yesterday I felt terrible after a shift. Therapist told me to express my emotions so that's what I did.
Mother was not impressed and rather anoyed,she played a role of victim.
BUT after some time came to my room and talked with me.
I almost instantly bursted into tears.
In short: I told her that I'm losing my mind.
The good news is that she finally understood that I'm not bluffing and that problem is real.
I have two days left of work and then I can resign without any fears of experiencing hell at home.
I'm just gonna look for something where there is no full time contact with clients.
I'm also thinking of changing the therapist because in her opinion my random schiz out related to social stuff is caused by internal conflict,
that is playing games which in "reality" is something I don't want to do. (???)
I'll talk with her about it on the next meeting and maybe cancel it
No.2729
>>2728>where there is no full time contact with clientsI'd suggest anything night shift. If you can get a night shift job at some dead industrial park you're basically a hidden person. You'll hardly have to interact with other people and you'll have little to no supervision.
No.2730
>>2728Glad you escaped KFC Hell Liz, good to hear they heard you out at the least.
No.2731
How do normal people memorize names and phone numbers so well? I can't even remember the dates of holidays, the order of the months, birthdays, names that aren't repeated to me often.
Maybe I'm just full retard.
No.2732
>>2731Keep in mind that normies are constantly phoning and taking with each other, helping them memorize these things through pure repetition.
No.2735
>>2729there is nothing like that in my area,lurked on many sites and the only night time job is cleaning or heavy work that I can't do due to shitty spine.
>>2730t-thanks, now I have 2 weeks to find something although it's gonna be hard since almost everything is around contact with client.
So far I've applied for pc building/maintenance and game tester.
>>2733Same but I have no backlog.
Bought cheap 144hz monitor but it's useless since my budget gpu has single link dvi port but it's build like double so I can't go pass 60hz
What U playin?
No.3110
I'm feeling sad, and I feel like even if I go outside, I won't stop feeling sad. It's not because of any particular reason right now, but it just is. Also, a bit tired, I guess.
